All men with spinal cord injuries can have sex and, although this might work out to be expensive, it can also change their lives to the extent that they forget their disabilities.
This was the message of Ari Seirlis National Director of the Quadriplegic Association of South Africa (QASA), in a recent address about the sexual options for people with spinal cord injuries to a group of quadriplegic people, their families and helpers.
The meeting, called by the Western Cape Quadriplegics Association, was held at a self-help centre in Durbanville where several people with spinal cord injuries live.
“Every single man with a spinal cord injury can, if he chooses one of the right medical options, have an erection,” Seirlis said. “The question is, what to do with the damn thing once you get it?”
Sierlis’s blunt talk evoked frequent hoots of laughter, but his message was serious. Despite the lack of self-esteem of many quadriplegics, they could find sexual partners if they “played their cards right.” It was all a question of finding the right partner. Often people with spinal cord injuries dressed badly because they felt appearance no longer mattered.
“But guys,” Seirlis implored, “you have to look at your dress sense. How often do you change your underwear? Polish your shoes? Clean your nails?
And to make a relationship last and be seen as equals by their partners, men had to find a way of earning an income.
“When I go to a toilet, every other man packs his penis away, because he thinks I don’t have one,” Seirlis joked. “But, let me tell you, if I am on a dance floor, the minute a woman hangs her bag on the back of my
wheelchair, I’m one up on the guy she is dancing with. Because she has to come back for her bag, and I’ve got time to think up the best chat-up line ever. So, guys on the dance floor, beware – I’m going to take the babe home if I play my cards right.”
“That is the attitude we need. We must look in the mirror and ask, do I love life? Do I laugh? Then look at who is to blame for not having a wife, husband or family. Because all of these things are possible.”
Most men with spinal cord injuries did not have psychogenic erections, which are caused by erotic thoughts. An erection by manual stimulation is possible, but for this, cycles of testosterone were necessary.
Erections can be induced in four ways:
* By injection therapy, which costs around R120 for three shots of a substance called Cavajet. This is one of the cheapest methods. An overdose. However, could damage the penis unless the blood was drained away at a hospital.
* A vacuum pump, which could be bought for between R600 and R3000.
* Vibrators, which stimulate the prostate gland and cause erections in 80% of people with spinal cord injuries who use them. “These are very successful. Lots of people have fathered children by using a vibrator,”
Seirlis said.
* Viagra, had no side effects and was a “fantastic” product for people with SCI. It cost between R60 and R80 per tablet.
“It’s expensive to participate in sex for a person with SCI. YOu have to be a little careful how often you do it, and how you allocate your budget to it,” Seirlis said. An additional consideration was that once men ejaculated they were likely to get autonomic hyporeflexia, a shocking pain that felt as if the man’s “head was going to be blown off” his body, and his blood pressure would become dangerously high. This problem could be erased with medication.
Men with SCI who wanted children should bank some of their sperm as soon as possible after their injury occured, because their sperm count would diminish over the years, Seirlis said.
For women with SCI, sex was much easier. All that was needed was a lot of lubrication and care over how much pressure is exerted on their bodies. Most women with SCI who have wanted to bear children, have been able to do so.
“If you become sexually active after a spinal cord injury, it will change your life. It is like learning to drive – you don’t feel like a disabled person anymore.
“You will have to throw away the Kama Sutra with its 169 positions, but you will find 7 that you like, and most of them will probably be new to your partner.”